I think my big problem with most horror movies today is they don't feel like they did back in the eighties. Let's face it, the eighties was a serious heyday for horror and because of the sheer awesomeness of those movies I am a big horror fan today.
Once in a while a movie does come out that brings back that familiar taste that guys like me wish for. In the past few years I can only think of a few films that stand out such as Cabin Fever, Hatchet, Slither, and as far as remakes go The Dawn of The Dead.
You can put boobs in a movie but that doesn't mean its going to be good. Let's face it I've seen a ton of beat up broads in low budget releases these past ten years that I actually could have passed on seeing them topless.
Then there is the meaningless excessive gore that doesn't do anything for me either unless the scene is flowing correctly for it. Top off some lame humor that the audience doesn't get and you have your average horror film of today.
Maybe I'm spoiled - Is it because I've seen so many good movies that I'm hard to impress me these days with a simple mediocre movie? I'm not your average Johnny Come-Lately when it comes to blood and guts, I expect more for my dollar.
And the remake craze definitely makes me more opinionated with films I always loved being rehashed that don't really ever have the same or as cool as a feel. I tend to go in with an opinion already formed and two guns ready to shoot down what I am about to watch. That's not fair to the movie, actors, and everyone involved - but it is what it is.
I'm just stating the facts and any real self respecting fan would and should agree with me.
But since I am stating facts, I should get to the point at hand and it's that Piranha 3D was so kick ass I was cheering and laughing like a teenager the entire movie! Like the films I mentioned earlier, it reminded me of when movies were awesome and why I love monster and horror films so much. I was proud of Piranha 3D and I had nothing to do with the movie.
I'm sure you have seen the multitude of commercials out there so I don't need to tell you much about it, other than it takes place at spring break and minor Earthquake opens an underground lake under a lake where a shitload of prehistoric piranha's are set loose in a huge recreational lake. The lake is packed with topless girls dancing, booze induced behavior, and utter retardedness by all so when no one heeds the last minute warnings a major blood bath escalates into one of the greatest scenes I have scene in ages.
The acting and story lines were superb. Elizabeth Shue was the town sheriff and was thoroughly impressive. Great cameo's and scenes from Richard Dreyfus, Christopher Lloyd, and Eli Roth didn't make you feel cheated like Schwarzenegger and Willis just did in The Expendables. (Or even worse was the entire intro cast cheat in Santa's Slay a few years back.)
Plus, Jerry O'Connel, who I generally don't like, totally played the ultimate douchebag hilarious, and steals the show.
Faces are completely ripped off, limbs and silicon implants floating in the water, people in utter terror, the water filled with so much blood its almost all red, and jerkoff kids getting eaten alive round off this amazing throwback. Not to mention a ton of titties. It also helps to have good actors!
Coming from director Alexandre Aja who killed it in his French film High Tension, and brought us a good remake of The Hills Have Eyes, I had a good feeling about this movie. The initial trailers looked stupid online, but once the theatrical trailer hit I grew in excitement.
Listen, all I am going to say before I end this rant is that if you don't see Piranha 3D in the movies, you will regret you didn't. Its funny, entertaining, a sever bloodbath, full of great nudity, and an amazing throwback to what everyone over thirty can tell you: horror movies need to be more like the new Piranha.
Go see it right away - it's the end of summer movie that will make you ask yourself, "Why can't all horror movies be this good!"
Useless Trivia: For those of you that don't know, Lake Victoria in the film is actually Lake Havasu in Northern Arizona. The lake is widely known in the southwest for it's huge spring break boat parties and titties everywhere. Seriously. Titties everywhere.
The cast of Piranha 3D explain why it deserves Best Picture at this year's Academy Awards from Funny or Die!And, I fully agree with them!